JK Rowling’s timing is shit. When we should be talking about racism and being anti-racist (a conversation that usually starts with me thinking ‘What? You though we were post-racist? WTF!!!!) …anyway, up she pipes with a coupla drunk tweets about gender, sex and being trans. I mean – doh.
But take away the timing issue and we are back to the same old argument, and unusually JK and I are in slightly more agreement than usual. It seems that women should shut up and let the men in the room argue out the difference between being a woman in terms of the stuff you were born with (sex) and the constructs that surround being a woman (gender). Trans women frequently lead the way in these arguments and gender ends up standing in for sex as well as the social constructs that surround being a woman (ie gender)
I was born with ovaries, vagina, clitoris and a functional uterus complete with eggs therefore my sex was recorded as female. I subsequently acquired breasts (much to my dismay)
As I got older, I grew into the expectations of my culture regarding what a female should do (gender). I should like pink girly toys, I should be quiet, I should tidy up, I should like clothes that were ‘feminine’, I should be happy to get tits and when I got my period I should be ashamed of the blood and mess (but secretly happy that I was now a completely fuckable human who could have babies). Later on I should yearn to wear makeup, go out and party, like to be fucked by men (but not worry to much about enjoying it). I should prioritise my family over my career (and if I didn’t – feel ashamed about that), I should worry about my appearance considerably more than my male partner. When out and about I should be careful not to lead people on, drink too much or wear inappropriate clothing for fear of making people want to rape me. Which would be partially my fault.
I should continue to enjoy being fucked as I age (and worry that menopause might be problematic in that department so take cancer inducing drugs). I should worry about how I look until I die.
If all of this looks familiar to you, chances are you are biologically female and you would consider yourself to be a woman in terms of gender.
If you were born with a penis and testicles, lived a life of sadness and uncertainty and found some solace in loving clothes, thinking about make-up and even being fucked by a man. And then found your comfort zone in wearing feminine clothes and a wig, padding a bra and shaving your facial hair. You might have gone out and about and found yourself being the victim of violence – possibly because men thought you were a woman and tried to rape you/thought you were a man not being manly enough. You might have found that being a woman had its consolations – but you also got a lot of hate, thoughtless dismissal and prejudice. You want to have cosmetic surgery that gives you breasts and a vagina (you’re not too bothered about a clitoris. Let’s face it, they really aren’t much use to women). If all this is familiar, you are likely a woman in terms of gender.
I hear people recounting stories about how they knew they were a woman in a mans body (you occasionally hear from trans men, but they don’t make stories quite as often for some reason) and I think ‘how?” because I only knew I was a woman because I had something different in my pants, tits and messy blood. I didn’t have much time for make-up and my clothes were jeans and t-shirts.
I have spent my adult life as a feminist trying to argue that we can change the social constructs around gender and that ‘sex’ is not destiny. I believe that the presence of a cock or clit is not the thing that should define us or the way we navigate the world. That what we choose to do, wear, put on our faces and how we enjoy sex is something that is constructed for us socially – ie ‘out there’. And then along comes the trans movement and it is implied that sex (that is what is in your pants) is destiny and you can choose your gender by saying so – and change your birth certificate to record that you are the ‘sex’ of your choice. Hmm.
I agree with the former – abso-fucking-lutely – but let’s not imagine a ‘female’ or ‘male’ brain in a misaligned body. Your brain was not created at birth – it grew with you and changed in response to the society it grew up in. I think that the ‘shoulds’ we grow up with can fuck with us – it is right to throw off that stupidity, but let’s not replace it with a different set of rules. Rules that apparently include shutting down people who have something to say about how sex (what’s in your pants) has a bearing on how you experience gender.
You can change the look of what’s in your pants and fill up a bra too. You can remove your breasts and maybe engineer a cock. And if you do your gender will definitely be the one that you say it is. And even if you don’t.
If you were cold-shouldered because you didn’t consent to a fuck after a day with a small child at your breast. Were shamed because of blood on your skirt. Embarrassed by your breasts in PE, raped by a stranger who knew that you were a woman or beaten up by your partner (he’s your husband, he has rights, you are less than him). Then these experiences are valid areas to talk about and they relate to the experience of growing up with knowledge of your body and its workings… i.e your sex at birth. And it shapes you.
Big breasts – don’t bother with sports because they bounce and it’ll will be shaming. Sexual culture is all about penetration not about clitoral stimulation, so sex will frequently be ‘work’ that you perform for a man. Babies erupt from the uterus you were born with and milk will accumulate in your breasts when they arrive (whether you feed or not). Leaking milk? Another source of bodily shame. Menopause may make you change how you feel about your body. These are things that a trans woman cannot talk about, but they are about sexual identity. And women should be allowed the space to talk about that – cis men should get the chance to talk about daily shaving and, well, whatever they experience in their bodies. I wouldn’t know what that is – because I haven’t experienced it!
Let me be clear – I think that discrimination and violence directed towards trans people is terrible – violence is terrible and male violence is a problem. A problem that probably needs a good talking about – and largely doesn’t get it. Possibly because a lot of public conversation gets used up on the sort of shit that JK is currently entangled in. Sex is what you were born with – it is just anatomical but its effect on your life should be recognised. Gender is arguably all the ‘shoulds’ that start with someone shouting “its a girl/boy” and that should be as fluid as can be. And really and truly we should be able to dress, behave and fuck – without anyone passing judgment on whether that is ‘male’ or ‘female’ behaviour.
Gender is a construct and if you want to be a woman – in terms of gender – I am not going to stand in your way. But you have to give a little ground to anyone who wants to share stories about how biological sex made a difference to their lives.
Having a uterus doesn’t make you more purely a woman, having functional testes doesn’t make you the quintessential man. But both things can do stuff to your life experiences and if you want to talk about ‘sex’ you should be able to. In the same way that ‘gender’ should be discussed as a set of social norms. But ‘sex’ is not destiny. You don’t have to have had periods to be a ‘woman’. I agree that you should be able to be exactly what gender you say you are. But let’s talk about it – not shut people down.
I am a man for example. It feels more powerful – more active, more important. I am a man.
In the body of a female.
stranger in a strange land 